The partner, the boss, the children: all are full of wishes. Nobody, however, can fulfill all requests. Everybody has to say no. The question is how? "Could you please stay longer tonight?" Asks the boss. "Hmm, all right, " you hesitate, although you have already promised for the third time this week. The end of the song: anger creeps up in you. Why did not you finally say no?
You can not please everyone
The reason is that many are trying the impossible - namely, making it right for everyone. But that can not work: either your boss or your spare time will be left behind on this evening. A no could mean that your boss is bad at speaking to you tomorrow. But for that you have given yourself preference and shown your boss that he can not freely dispose of you.
Those who say yes too often lose their independence and the respect of others. Why are some people still doing this and getting more and more tasks done?
Jasagen is learned behavior
"Especially when parents make obedience dependent on obedience, this lays the foundation for later gossip, " explains Klaus Fischer, social worker and child, adolescent and family therapist. The children obey because they want to be loved and are afraid to lose any value for their parents.
Parents should therefore respect the limits that children set. "A child has the right to say it does not want to eat fish, " says the expert. Otherwise, the interests of others would soon be in the foreground, while their own would take a back seat.
"The children learn to implement their own wishes in such a way that it is not at the expense of others, " says Fischer. And: children are watching the behavior of their parents very closely. Therefore, fathers and mothers should be good role models who know what they want and what they do not want.
You should learn to refuse
Many children, however, retain the yes-man attitude to adulthood. From the feeling of being used and being recognized, they gain their self-confidence. They are by no means selfless, but secretly expect gratitude.
Women are more susceptible to this "helper syndrome" than men. Partly because they are more likely to be cool or selfish. These are qualities that are not very popular in society. Therefore, for many, a yes may initially seem the easier way. In the long term, it is the much more arduous way. Yes, they put their energy into the wishes of others and threaten to be exploited.
The benefits of no-nonsense
Therefore, it is only an advantage to practice negligence in a targeted manner: Imagine the concrete advantages of no-nonsense. Write down what you win by a no. There is not only more time for your own wishes. You also gain motivation and strength when you focus on what you want. And this energy gain is felt by your environment. This helps to say "no" nicely next time.
4 strategies for saying no
Naysayers often make themselves unpopular by their refusal and are afraid of it. Partly rightly so. Therefore, it is advisable to have some strategies at hand to make it easier to refuse:
- Collect arguments for the no, because a no better understand supplicants if they receive a justification for the refusal. For example: "You know that I go to the sports club every Wednesday, without me the handball team can not compete."
- Offer alternatives: Show that you would like to fulfill another wish. That could go like this: "Tonight I have an appointment with the tax consultant, but tomorrow I'll do that first thing." This often works well in professional life.
- Even children need a clear horizon of expectation. "Our competition at the game console is postponed to tomorrow, look, I'll put it in the kitchen calendar: Thursday, 7 pm, Tomb Raider, Florian vs. Papa."
- Always show esteem: Keep eye contact with your interlocutor and smile while formulating your no. Kindly show that you reject the request, not the person.