Five kilos less and I would fit in the dress, five kilos less and I would feel comfortable in a swimsuit, five kilos less and he would desire me again - their own weight is usually a women's topic for a lifetime. Even with 40 plus many are chronically dissatisfied with their dress size. But behind the wrestling with the scales are often deeper wishes. "Especially at a certain age, women ask themselves whether they are still sexually attractive for their partner and whether they may even have a claim to sexual satisfaction, " says the nutritionist Dr. med. Ute Gola from Berlin.
Women doubt their attractiveness
When nothing happens in bed, for example, because he gets erectile dysfunction, he is suddenly there, the thought: Is it up to me? Am I too fat? "Erotic satisfaction is not a question of weight or age, " Dr. Gola in an interview. Especially in the period of menopause, many women reflect their own life situation and their partnership. "Subliminal dissatisfaction, in my experience, often leads to women looking critically in the mirror at a certain age. We all have to get old, but we want to feel healthy and well with our weight, "says Dr. Ute Gola from her practice.
Potency problems - is it me?
In this phase, in which questions the partner, many men are confronted with the first supposed signs of aging, for example, when it with the potency no longer works: In Germany, every fifth man over 40 gets in the course of his life erectile dysfunction. "Women quickly see themselves responsible for problems in the relationship. When he retreats instead of talking openly to her, she often tells herself that it's up to her. She feels too fat and no longer attractive, "Gola describes the conflict. Behind erectile dysfunction, however, are usually no emotional or psychological reasons, but physical causes, such as cardiovascular disease or undiscovered diabetes. Clarity brings only the transition to the doctor.
"I experience it over and over again that women want to lose weight because they believe that they no longer like their partner. Unfortunately, there are also men who transmit their own dissatisfaction to their wives, according to the motto 'you are too fat'. There is really something else behind it, for example erectile problems, "explains the nutritionist, clarifying:" There is no optimal weight to be sexually attractive. It is important that both partners are satisfied with each other and in good faith ".
Food - the eroticism of old age?
In eating, hunger and satiety, body perception plays a big role. "Many people take dissatisfaction as hunger or at least an appetite, " says Gola. We all know the grasp on the bar of chocolate as a consolation dispenser. But sometimes, to avoid problems, sometimes food must be served. "I use the term 'feeding each other' - in a relationship that also means silencing each other. If I only eat together and do not discuss problems, there is a great likelihood that over time I will need more and more food, "explains the expert. "Sometimes food becomes an eroticism of old age."
Those who find that sensual interaction is limited to enjoying savory dishes are often well advised to seek outside help. "One should ask oneself whether the pleasure of eating is sufficient, or whether one also wants to experience sexually more. If the weight is in the way, something can be done about it. And also problems such as erectile dysfunction can be treated. Of course, it is always crucial that both partners want that, "says Gola. By the way, professional nutrition counseling is in many cases subsidized by the health insurance companies. "Anyone who slims a few pounds feels younger and has more fun moving around. This is of course also a great booster for the love life "sums up dr. Ute Gola finally together.