Wherever people come together, conflicts arise time and again - at work, in the family or among friends. Conflicts are not unusual. But they should be addressed and solutions should be sought. Easier said than done, because the question is often: "How should this be done?"
First step: address problem (s)
The fact is, many people find it difficult to deal with conflicts. Some of you can not even address them, others repress and then live with a bad feeling. And if you're brave enough, you often do not know how to address your problem. But only those who address conflicts can also change something. A good strategy is to share your everyday stress at home, no matter how banal. This reduces tension and strengthens cohesion.
Problems that are fundamental can not usually be resolved with a conversation. Rather, it usually takes several discussions, until a solution is in sight. Nevertheless, after an interview, an intermediate result should be drawn, so that no one of the participants takes home the feeling that the discussions are wasted time. Sometimes you just have to give yourself and the others some time.
Effects of a resolved conflict
Once a solution has been found, this should be communicated in the same way between the participants. Even better, if the result can be celebrated. A well-resolved conflict has positive effects on the "warriors":
- First, there is certainty to resolve another dispute to satisfaction.
- Second, those affected feel better afterwards.
- Third, the group feeling is also strengthened. For one has gained understanding for the situation of the other and has come to a solution together.
Just in case: 6 tips from experienced dispute experts
- To pronounce trouble the first time, then nothing bothers. Watch out for early signs of a crisis!
- Do not forget for whatever reason you are arguing and stick to the topic at stake. Define rules for the course of the conversation, for example: "First you can say for five minutes what does not suit you, then I'll be there for five minutes." Everyone is forced to listen for a while and the other has room to talk about his view of things. Everyone should share what they want and leave out blame.
- "Active listening": Reset your own interests and respond to the interlocutor. This reduces tension. Summarize the words of your counterpart, which shows whether everything has arrived correctly: "I understand you correctly, that ..." By the way, active listening does not mean to automatically prove the other person's rights!
- 5: 1 rule: If you say something nice five times in clashes, the cushion is thick enough for a little "slip-up" that is more forgiving by the opponent.
- Try to stay in the concrete and give a practical example to all abuses. With this you achieve two things: you usually avoid very hurtful generalizations and your interlocutor better understands their emotional world and the current unacceptable situation.
- Admit it if you have obviously made a mistake and apologize. That speaks for your self-confidence. They show that it is about the matter and not about small power games. The magic word is respect.
Troubleshooting - the classics
A perfect dispute partner does not just fall from the sky. Quarreling needs to be learned! There are fundamental mistakes that one makes unconsciously and which make it difficult for anyone to counter.
- Do not sweep injustices or discrepancies under the carpet. The longer a conflict smolders there, the bigger and more insurmountable it becomes over time.
- Avoid generalizations, generalizations or statements that put pressure on others. Example: "I am no longer ready ...!", "I can not stand this anymore ...!" or "I do not think so ...!" Instead, confess your feelings in the current situation instead of countering with allegations.
- Do not trust when your partner or child dares to address a precarious issue. The more attempts the opponent needs for it, the more aggressively it will bring forward its concern. And with you, the desire to even deal with the subject disappears.
- Save yourself irony, sarcasm or cynicism. Nobody gets on well with this and you also leave the factual debate. And: Especially children can not handle it. Contempt and devaluation fuel the confrontation unnecessarily and open listening becomes almost impossible.
- Bite your tongue before the little words "never", "always", "all", "no" or "every time" come over your lips. They are wonderful "heaters" because they generalize and radicalize every statement. This contributes to the hurtful effect. If these words can be replaced by "sometimes", "rarely", "many", "some", or even better by a concrete example, the communication remains open.
A constructive way of dealing with the other person has a great advantage: who knows what moves the other, also has easier understanding. So one not only knows how the other person feels and what is going on in him; One also learns what view of things he has of the world.